How to marry a millionaire vampire by Kerrelyn Sparks

Synopsis (from amazon): So what if he’s a bit older and usually regards a human female as dinner, not a dinner date? Yes, Roman Draganesti is a vampire, but a vampire who lost one of his fangs sinking his teeth into something he shouldn’t have. Now he has one night to find a dentist before his natural healing abilities close the wound, leaving him a lop–sided eater for all eternity.

Things aren’t going well for Shanna Whelan either…After witnessing a gruesome murder by the Russian mafia, she’s next on their hit list. And her career as a dentist appears to be on a downward spiral because she’s afraid of blood. When Roman rescues her from an assassination attempt, she wonders if she’s found the one man who can keep her alive. Though the attraction between them is immediate and hot, can Shanna conquer her fear of blood to fix Roman’s fang? And if she does, what will prevent Roman from using his fangs on her…

Review: The time has arrived where I am ready to stop reading if a book doesn’t do it for me. I already started that approach with "Darling Jack" in which I skipped most of the book, but with "How to marry a millionaire vampire" I will finally take the plunge and just stop reading altogether. Not that the books isn’t entertaining. Actually some dialogue is quite funny, if you like flippant retorts, that don’t really add to the conversation. That is probably what is wrong with it.

First of all, the title of the book is misleading. It’s probably supposed to be a fluffy title, and it is, but I don’t see any connection between it and the story. Shanna has no idea that Roman is a vampire and has no intention of marrying one either. Roman is trying to hide his true nature from her. This is not surprising considering that the heroine comes over as self-righteous, bossy and set in her ways.

I like my vampires dark, broody and in control, but at the same time I hate them to be constantly complaining about their fate. A vampire master who loses one of his fangs while biting into a sex doll (or the vampire equivalent of it) and on top of that thinks he is an abomination just doesn’t fit into my little world.

The humorous tone of the book doesn’t match the storyline. Roman is dissatisfied with his life in general and has adversaries of his own, whereas Shanna, who is in the witness protection program, is being targeted by the Russian mafia, not really a force to be trifled with. I don’t see anything here that delivers food for merriment.

Then, where have I heard the bleak existence whine before? We all know this specific burden from every "Dark" book we have ever read. Just, in Roman’s case his existence doesn’t seem so bleak to me. He is stinking rich, has a sort of harem, dozens of underlings, he is the master of the largest coven in North America and can enjoy life as nobody else can.

What sealed the fate of this book was a kissing scene where Roman withdrew because of his fangs and his qualms about not being good enough for her, because he is a demon (yeah, now the old whine starts again). OK, I get the fang thing, but the reaction from Shanna was the equally old motto "I mustn’t get involved with a client anyway". And if I can’t stand one credo in a romance, this is it. Why ever not? Especially since in this case, Roman wasn’t a client strictly speaking. When he came to her she refused to repair his tooth and minutes later the Russians were on to them, and when she did repair his tooth later she did it under Roman’s compulsive magic and she had no idea what she was doing.

As far as I can tell the book is a good read for people who like their books fluffy and humorous. I, however, had no feelings at all for both main characters, they didn’t interest me in the least even after reading almost half of the book, so I just couldn’t be bothered reading on.

[rating:1]

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This book was also reviewed at Literary Escapism.

4 Comments Write a comment

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  3. Pingback: How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire by K. Sparks | Literary Escapism

  4. I wouldn’t let the title get to you about the books. The novels in this series are actually pretty good. I know that a lot of authors don’t have any control over their titles, so Sparks may have had something different up until her publishers marketing department got their hands on it.

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