Today’s Thursday 13 is not book related at all. I’m off this week and miss my job. So, in order to fight my feeling of being lost I made up a little quiz about my pet peeves at work. Guess which answer is the correct answer for me. In one case more than one answer is possible.
To make up for this list of laments I’ll post a list of my 13 favourite things at work in the future.
- The royal "we" (unfortunately not)
Situation: Your boss comes into your office and says: "We have to do the xyz reports today." To you this means:
a. He always uses the royal "we", he does the reports himself.
b. You do the reports with him together.
c. You do the reports on your own. However, once again his "we" tricked you for a second into believing he will help.
- The eternal greeting card loop
Situation: Your boss sends a gift with a greeting card. He receives a thank you card back.
a. Nothing more needs to be done.
b. He wants you to send a thank you card for the thank you card. Ad infinitum et at nauseam.
- Deadline? What deadline?
Situation: A deadline is due.
a. You get all reports at least 2 days earlier. You have plenty of time to sort everything out and to contact people if questions arise.
b. You get the reports just in time to combine them all and send them on before the deadline expires.
c. You get the first report just in time, the rest you have to ask for repeatedly. The deadline expires without being met. You are blamed for both, by the slowpokes for the too short deadline and by your boss for the missed one.
- Game over!
Situation: Your boss receives a new assignment with a deadline.
a. He tells you immediately, so you can prepare everything and request whatever is necessary from everybody involved with plenty of time to meet the deadline.
b. You are getting the wind of it by pure chance, because your boss forgot to send you the info.
c. You are notified about it 3 days (or 3 weeks) after the deadline date. Then chaos ensues. However, if you are lucky, someone took care of it in time. Then it’s like a puzzle with scattered pieces and all of a sudden those pieces all slot into their assigned places. In that case the chaos turns into sheer beauty.
- I’ll forward anything to anybody
Situation: Your boss receives an email.
a. He checks whose name is already on the distribution list and, after carefully reading it, sends it only to relevant people who have not received the mail yet.
b. After carefully reading it, he sends it only to relevant people. They might get the mail a second time, because their name has been on the distribution list already.
c. He doesn’t read the email and forwards it to everybody with a little "take care of this" note. Everybody has to read it and wastes valuable time. Advantage of this method: Everybody knows everything and doesn’t need to be informed separately. Disadvantage of this method: Everybody knows everything and thinks he’s got a say in it.
- Snails at work
Situation: You discover a minor mistake on the companies website. A word has been translated wrong. You notify the German HQ.
a. It takes a few hours to correct the mistake. You receive a notification that it’s done.
b. You receive a notification that it has been forwarded to the international HQ. After about 3 days the mistake is corrected.
c. You receive a notification that it has been forwarded to the international HQ. After about 3 months nothing has happened.
- Morons at work
Situation: A colleague has a parcel to be dispatched. He hasn’t asked the parcel service yet to come by to pick it up. Parcel service turns up to pick up a parcel. Reception staff is busy at the moment and can’t answer the parcel guy. The colleague happens to stand at the reception. What does he do?
a. He does nothing and waits until reception staff is free to answer and give the parcel guy the correct parcel that has been sitting there all day to be picked up.
b. He thinks, "Ah, I have a parcel that needs to be picked up and here is a parcel guy. I’ll tell him to wait and get my parcel from my office. He must have known I have something that needs picking up."
c. He thinks, "Screw my colleague whose parcel is waiting to be picked up. Mine is more urgent, I’ll just get mine and hand it over. Who cares what happens to the important papers that need to be in xxx by tomorrow morning?"
- Why would you need software? Or hardware?
Situation: You want to watch an important flash movie (with sound) on your company’s intranet.
a. You watch it and enjoy the top quality of picture and sound.
b. You watch it but can’t enjoy the sound, since you haven’t got speakers.
c. You can’t watch it since it requires the newest flash version, which you haven’t got.
- Access denied!
Situation: In your lunch break (or working time) you want to blog, watch a youtube video or tell your facebook friends what you’re up to.
a. You go ahead and blog / watch youtube/ facebook to your heart’s content:
b. You can’t do any of these, but you can at least go through your bloglines and read your favourite blogs
c. You can do nothing of the sort, because all access is denied.
- Cut the red tape (and glue it back together)
Situation: In order to cut down bureaucracy it is announced that reporting will be reduced to a minimum.
a. Your workload is reduced by at least 50%. Only minimum reports are being requested now. It is a dream come true.
b. Your workload stays the same. Nothing changes.
c. New reports and spreadsheets to cut red tape are being added to the usual and your workload is increased by 25%.
- Your ad could go here
Situation: Someone comes by without appointment and wants to speak to you. He wants to sell you ads for a local event brochure.
a. He is a businessman who tells you prices and media data. You tell him that you’ll contact him. He leaves.
b. He is a somewhat casual guy and tells you prices and media data. You tell him that you’ll contact him. He chats a bit with you and then leaves.
c. The guy in question is a self appointed expert on eroticism. He is a sex-crazed maniac who looks like a pimp. He chats you up, tells you about a lake where the nudists hang out and suggests you come out one day for a photo shooting. On top of it he proposes his idea for an erotic reading on your premises. He only leaves when you say, you are off the clock in about two minutes.
- You want food? Go and buy some elsewhere!
Situation: You are hungry. You go into the kitchen and check whether you can find something to eat.
a. There is plenty of stuff to choose from because a buffet has come back from the clients. You’re free to take whatever you want.
b. There are a few leftovers from God knows when. You grab whatever is available. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
c. No luck! Apart from the extremely short break times there is no food to be had. Missed the break? Tough! Not even a slice of dry bread can be found.
- My desk is my castle (but nobody seems to care)
Situation: You shut down your PC and leave your office to go home.
a. The next morning your desk is exactly how you left it yesterday.
b. The next morning you see that somebody sat at your desk. They tried to conceal that fact by arranging everything the way it was when you left. Only subtle signs tell you somebody was there.
c. The next morning your PC is running. Outlook is open. Someone rummaged through your emails. Some pens and your scissors are missing. When you sit down you almost land on the floor because someone has changed your chair settings.