If that sorry effort is what modern women get off on, it’s not looking good for the future of erotic literature .
In a nutshell:
Ditz meets rich guy and consents reluctantly to a D/s relationship.
Language I read the book in: English
Did I like it? No, it was complete drivel.
For people who like: not sure.
Starting to read:
I don’t know what the hype is about. This story is exactly like any other (erotic) romance that is out there. Just much worse.
The two protagonists are run of the mill:
- Little self conscious woman who is embarrassed way too easily. Who gets intimidated by the powerful, rich, extremely handsome man. Who bites her lip way too much (which turns him on no end).
- Uber attractive, richer than God stud who is a control freak. Who sometimes lets his mask down and shows how lonely and desperate he is. Who is always smiling ironically. Who always seems to be amused and, at the same time, exasperated about the heroine.
Give me a break, this is just Christine Feehan without the paranormal.
Why does Christian think that She. Is. So. Sweet? That woman has nothing going for her, nothing. She is a klutz and an idiot who doesn’t get a thing. It can’t be her witty conversation or her great sense of humour, her elegant poise or her sophisticated tastes. There is none of that. It can only be her naive innocence, and ingenues can get on your nerves very quickly, not to speak of the fact that soon the innocence will have vanished.
The whole contract concept seems very simplified to me. Given that everything else in the book is described very detailed, this doesn’t work. No experienced Dominant can expect a total newbie to come up with a list of things she won’t do. She doesn’t even know what CAN be done. If you have no idea about BDSM would you think of, let’s say, games involving breath control to include in your list of no- nos? You wouldn’t even think that this is a possibility.
Ana is an odd mixture of contradictions when it comes to sex. She is a virgin, is taken by surprise that “That was inside me”, seeing that Christian’s cock is so big (and bad… just kidding), on the other hand she is expertly deep throating Christian when she gives him her first blow job ever. I am not buying that.
How often we read about her “inner goddess” I can’t count. That goddess is constantly revelling in her success to arouse Christian. Or she feels rejected or disappointed or whatever. Her “inner goddess”! Have you ever thought of your inner goddess when pondering a man? I haven’t.
I had another Christine Feehan déjà vu when it came to Christian’s eyes turning “molten gray”; the “molten lava” won’t take much longer to turn up, I am sure. Given that Christian’s eyes are gray to begin with, I don’t think they have changed much by becoming molten, but what the heck!
A bit later still:
No molten lava yet, but how about molten silver? I wasn’t too far off.
OK, I haven’t talked about the erotic factor. It took the story a while to get there, that’s why I am only mentioning it now. I have read car manuals that are more erotic than this. Someone who calls this erotic must have limited themselves to reading non-fiction up to now. The sex scenes are boring and uninspired to the extreme. There is NO sexual tension to speak of between Christian and Ana, even though we are constantly told how much they want each other. The scenes are a lacklustre sequence of sexual activities without even making an attempt to engage the reader’s imagination.
The writing style is repetitive and simple. The number of times someone is staring at their hands/fingers, blushing, gasping or talking in a small voice (mostly her, but he DOES gasp once in a while) is mind boggling. Also get used to “holy crap”, “holy cow” and “crap” in general. They are the default beginnings of sentences (again, her).
Want a sample? Here you go:
Situation: She has sent him an email to which he responds by showing up in her bedroom (btw, she is a 21 year old student in the year 2011 and has no computer and no email address. In order to rectify this he gifts her with a state of the art MacBook Pro).
Holy Cow, is he offended? I stare down at my fingers. How am I going to dig myself out of this? If I tell him it was a joke, I don’t think he’ll be impressed.
“I thought you’d reply by email.” My voice is small, pathetic.
“Are you biting your lower lip deliberately?” he asks darkly.
I blink up at him, gasping, freeing my lip.
“I wasn’t aware I was biting my lip,” I murmur softly.
My heart is pounding.
About 55% done:
I am going to stop reading now. This is such insufferable drivel, I can’t continue this. Apart from all the things I mentioned before it annoys me no end to continuously read that someone is “fucked up” and “depraved” simply because he likes that lifestyle. If that is the way he rolls, fine. It has nothing to do with depravity or being fucked up. If it is not your thing, then just walk away!
I don’t have to read this book until the end, and so I won’t.
Product info and buy link :
||Fifty Shades of Grey
||E. L. James
|I got this book from
||If I were you I wouldn’t.
Have you read this book? What did you think of it? I would love to hear other opinions.